About Alexandra Heep

About Alexandra Heep: The internet has allowed allowed Alexandra to maintain a semblance of life when encountering an unexpected, lingering health crisis. The Internet is a lifeline which not only allows her to remain connected to friends, but also survive, via writing.While Alexandra Heep is her pen name, she does not hide behind it. Instead, she used it to brand herself on the Internet and to create opportunities.

Alexandra published her first book, a collection of her best poems, on July 11, 2012. You can buy it at Lulu.com

Support independent publishing: Buy this book on Lulu.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Dummies Guide to Understanding Advertising Lingo

Since commercials are in overdrive for the holidays and especially annoying this year, I have put together a little translation guide.
"Up to 90% off."
Translation: "There will be one item 90% off that was marked up 9 times what it's worth. The rest of the items will be 10% off, but you will still pay 8 times more than what it's worth, leaving us with big profits."
"Clinically proven."
Translation: "The FDA (or the manufacturer) paid us to say this."
"Buy one, get one free."
Translation: "We doubled the price of one item."
"New and improved."
Translation: "We changed the packaging."
"Improved formula."
Translation:"Our old product was crap and we only changed it to jump on a bandwagon."
"This offer won't last long."
Translation: "We say this every week. If you believe this, you are an idiot, but we'll take your money gladly."
"Buy now, pay later."
Translation: "You will die before you can pay this off."
"You asked, we listened: If we do not show up on time, we will credit $20 to your account."
Translation: "We ignored your complaints about our poor customer service for as long as we could. Now, instead of paying our staff more money and treating them better, so they stop giving you bad customer service, we take that extra money to create this big campaign and then pay you the $20 that should be spent towards giving employees raises."


Conny said...

LOL Ain't that the truth. And don't forget this one "Your pets will love it" ... no they won't, but they will play with the box it came in.

Red said...

OMG! This is right on the money! You have some of my absolute favorite ones on here! Consider this one plastered all over my internet presence!

Alexandra Heep said...

LOL Red. Two strange peas in a non-green pod?

Glorygarden@msn.com said...

Wow, this just proves you can fool some of the people some of the time, but not Alex ever! LOL

Diane said...

LOL! Don't they also say that there's a sucker born every minute? Guess so!

Anonymous said...

I love this.

Raymond Alexander Kukkee said...

Don't forget the warranty, Alex, you can have a LOT of fun poking holes in warranties--almost as much fun as the kids have playing with the boxes after they break the toys in the first 20 minutes...